The Emotional Rollercoaster of Pregnancy after Loss

1. Our Story: Pregnancy After Losing Lyla

My husband and I lost our baby girl in 2023. She was stillborn at 38 weeks pregnant. We named her Lyla. This was by far the most difficult thing that we have ever experienced, together or apart. There were hard times and easier times, but nothing was easy about the first year after our monstrous loss.

Now, we are pregnant again. Even the choice to become pregnant again after loss is an enormous emotional hurdle. I wanted to become pregnant right away. My husband had a harder time wrapping his mind around another pregnancy. We finally made that frightening step to try again.

When I saw the positive pregnancy test, the amount and intensity of emotions surprised me, ranging from excitement to fear, happiness to devastation. My mind flashed forward to the next nine months, both dreading and anticipating it. I was not prepared for the sheer depth of emotions I would feel in that moment.

Fast forward to our first ultrasound. I was an absolute wreck of emotions. The last ultrasound we had, we were told that our daughter didn’t have a heartbeat. What a devastating sentence to hear. I had convinced myself that we were going to be told the exact same thing again. I prepared myself for the worst. Absolutely anxious and terrified, both my husband and I were silent as we walked into that appointment. When we were told that there was a heartbeat, only faint smiles crossed our faces because of the sheer stress and anxiety. Watching our baby wriggle on the ultrasound screen, I felt such a mix of emotions—happy that this baby was moving, and heartbroken that our last baby did not.

2. The Overwhelming Mix of Emotions

One moment, you’re overjoyed at the thought of new life, and the next, you’re gripped by fear that history might repeat itself. Pregnancy after loss is a constant balance between wanting to celebrate and being afraid to get too attached. It’s okay to feel both happiness and sadness—your feelings are valid.

3. Anxiety Over Every Symptom (or Lack of One)

Every cramp, every flutter, or a lack of symptoms can send your mind spiraling. For me, the flutters are a comfort. The cramps and lack of movement are terrifying. Unlike a first-time pregnancy where you might take things at face value, pregnancy after loss comes with hyperawareness of every bodily change. It can be exhausting, but finding ways to ground yourself—whether through journaling, meditation, or leaning on a support system—can help ease some of that anxiety.

4. Guilt for Moving Forward

Many parents feel guilt when they become pregnant again, as if they are replacing or forgetting the baby they lost. But love is not finite—you can love and honor your lost child while also embracing the joy of the baby growing inside you. Acknowledge your feelings and consider ways to honor your loss, such as keeping a journal, writing letters, or incorporating their memory into your family traditions. One of the traditions that my husband and I have decided to do is launch a model rocket every year on her birthday. It has a special meaning for us, and it is a comfort.

5. Navigating Milestones with Caution

Every appointment, ultrasound, and trimester marker can feel like an emotional hurdle. Many parents struggle with allowing themselves to get excited about a new pregnancy, fearing that doing so might bring heartbreak if something goes wrong. It’s okay to take things day by day, celebrating small victories in ways that feel right for you.

6. Finding Support

You are not alone. Connecting with other parents who have experienced pregnancy after loss can be incredibly healing. Whether through online communities, local support groups, or close friends, talking to people who understand can make a world of difference. Therapy and counseling can also provide a safe space to process your emotions.

7. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Hope

It’s easy to let fear overshadow hope, but you deserve to feel excited about your baby. Allow yourself to imagine holding them, decorating their nursery, and looking forward to their arrival. This pregnancy is its own unique journey, separate from the one before.

Final Thoughts

Pregnancy after loss is a whirlwind of emotions, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Give yourself grace, find support, and remember that it’s okay to feel everything—from joy to fear to grief. Your story is unique, and so is the love you carry for all of your children—those in your arms and those in your heart.